Daily Ditty - from my show Smotherhood: Bad Mother

Shall I start sharing from my show, Smotherhood?

BAD MOTHER

BAD MOTHER

BET YOU WISH YOU HAD ANOTHER

NOT THIS BAD MOTHER

 

A GOOD MOTHER

IS CONSISTENT.

SHE SETS LIMITS

AND REMEMBERS THEM

THE NEXT DAY.

 

A GOOD MOTHER

IS INSISTENT

EVEN WHEN HER CHILD’S

RESISTANT.

ALWAYS KNOWS THE RIGHT THING

TO SAY.

 

SHE IS NEVER TOO NICE, THEN TOO MEAN

SHE’S ALWAYS PERFECTLY, PLEASANTLY IN-BETWEEN

AND SHE’S NOT ME

 

BAD MOTHER

BAD MOTHER

I AM SUCH A SAD MOTHER

CAUSE I’M SUCH A BAD MOTHER

 

A GOOD MOTHER

KNOWS WHEN HER CHILD IS LYING

KNOWS WHEN HER KID

IS TRYING

CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LAZY

AND DUMB

 

SHE WOULD NEVER LET HER CHILD TALK SASS

OR ADMIT THAT SHE SMOKED GRASS -

JUST ONCE.

Ok maybe twice.

 

SHE LISTENS QUIETLY.

DOESN’T PREACH, “WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,“

DOESN’T SCREECH OR FLY INTO A RAGE

YEAH SHE’S NOT ME

 

BAD MOTHER

BAD MOTHER

“PLEASE DON’T BE MAD, MOTHER”

Sorry – I’M A BAD MOTHER

 

LIKE A BAD DOG –

BAD DOG!

STOP CHEWING UP YOUR LITTLE TOY

STOP SCREWING UP YOUR LITTLE BOY

IF I COULD I WOULD, BUT I CAN’T

(a hiccup of a heartbreak…then it kicks back in)

SO HERE’S MY RANT

 

BAD MOTHER

BAD MOTHER –

(MOM pulls the band back to a vamp as SHE speaks.)

 

What’s a bad mother to do,

When she’s a bad mother, through and through?

She could bemoan it

Or she could own it

Which is what this bad mother is gonna do –

(Band kicks in again.)

 

BAD MOTHER

BAD MOTHER

NOT A GLAD MOTHER

BAD MOTHER

Daily Ditty #58 - Blizzard, Schmizzard

A Mickey Mouse snowstorm. Thanks to Erika Amato for the title inspiration.

Blizzard, Schmizzard

So said Eddie Izzard

Blizzard, Schmizzard

So said NYC

Missed my night out

Cause they feared a white out

Gosh oh gee oh –

What emergency?

 

Mr. De B. – he is now my subway clown

Bet that he’s sad he shut the subway down.

 

Blizzard, Schmizzard

Fire that Weather Wizard

Blizzard, Schmizzard

How embarrassing

Daily Ditty #49 - Full House (Sleepover) - or Floodlight of Love

A Sunday morning reflection.

FULL HOUSE (SLEEPOVER)

To have a homeful of teenage boys

Giggling and guffawing

Is one of those motherly joys

I have never known.


What do they talk about?

Nothing my son will tell me.

I am content tonight to walk about

Inconspicuously, bringing more food.


In the morning, I find they have left the lights on

And dirty Kleenex everywhere.

And I’m pretty sure my son didn’t brush his teeth.

But it’s a full house and I don’t care.


They say you should shine a light

On the aspects you want to see more of.

A boy who trusts we won’t embarrass him,

Trusts we won’t pry and poke,

Won’t try to understand every joke.

A boy who likes to come home

And bring his friends home, too.

On this I shine

A floodlight of love.